Journey

First half of this post written 29th March 2014, second half today 5th August 2014

I’m not comfortable publishing this because it’s all over the place and I sound like a crazy person :) but I at least wanted to keep this somewhere to try and figure out at a later time.

I had a trance-like experience… I was lying in bed, and I had to get up early in the morning, so I was trying to sleep.. I was like “I’m desperate to sleep.. please, I really need to sleep”.. but at the same time, I was listening to something interesting and I wanted to keep listening to it.. I kept drifting between a vision and alertness, yet I couldn’t move, and then for about an hour or less, I was seeing everything – everything became clear, it was the most amazing vision – all the knowledge that was important, I could do anything, heal anyone, and everyone would know the secret of the universe – of us, of where we came from and all we can do. It wasn’t a dream, dreams aren’t like this and I was still awake, even though I was unable to move.

Once I ‘snapped out of it’, I got up immediately and went to my outside laptop to immediately start writing it all down – I didn’t want to forget a single detail.

Unfortunately, what I ended up typing came out childish, all-over the place, a jumbled mess of confusion.. trying to explain everything that I had learnt, and these words came out, that were not helpful, nor able to portray or convey the experience that I had. What is the point of having this knowledge, if I can’t use it to help others? What is the point of having the answers, if the words are forgotten upon waking?

I feel the truth now though. When I look at people – everyone – I see who they really are, the creators of this experience, we are all one – all connected, and we chose this earth experience, for ourselves, to create at this level; to ‘experience’ this experience. And it’s one of many that we choose to create. We create in other dimensions, in other universes, and in other kind of like ‘realities’ too. We are doing it right now, on multi levels, we are in several places at once, although we choose to separate each experience (become ‘unconscious’ of the other places) while we are ‘within’ each experience. We choose not to remember because it gives us a better experience, it ‘ruins’ the experience when we know.. and it ‘messes’ with our experience when we know. We choose what we want to learn, what we want to create. We can still be ‘in touch’ with other parts of ourselves when we are asleep, when we turn ‘off’ our conscious mind, but for the most part, we transfer knowledge but we don’t interfere with the other realities, but we sometimes don’t even realise what we are doing when we are connected with our other parts of ourselves because we haven’t completely shut-down the conscious mind so we are still ‘stuck between the realities’. And we can ‘choose’ to become awakened in our realities, and we can ‘pre-choose’ when that will happen in each reality, but instinctively we already know.

We are able to change this reality, with just our intentions, but we are also at the whims of the co-creators – we are all experiencing this together, creating this reality together, we are kind of bound by the ‘masses’ in a way, because we are co-creating what we see and experience. Without this part of the puzzle, the intentions part especially, we will continue to be bound by the masses, that if people don’t know that we are actively choosing the good and the bad, that things will continue to be created in a way that may end up destroying this reality because they don’t realize that together we can consciously intend a better result. But we like this reality, this reality is one of our favorite experiences, to be creative.. to experience love, and pain, and joy, to conquer adversity, and to see what it is we can do when we restrict our powers & knowledge, and when we limit each ‘life’ we create to a certain period of time, and then ‘start’ again in a different body, with a different experience, or in one of the other realities, or in multiple realities at the same time. That we are creators.

There is no “God”, we are God. God is source, we all come from source. We are all one, that has created a way for individual personalities to emerge and experience. We brought ourselves to life. We ‘thought’ ourselves to life. We ‘intended’ ourselves to split, to create, to live.

We have been male, we have been female, we can even be both. We are one. Our soul – for lack of a better word – doesn’t have a gender. We choose to have a gender in this reality for the sake of the experience.

Our bodies are only as real as the imagination of this world, but it is real in this world, we each decide to create things in this world, important things for this ‘reality’ to continue to exist. There is no evil, each is an experience, a co-created experience.

Some people choose to end the experience early, when the reality is not going in the way they intended, not remembering or realizing they have the ability to change it, to ‘intend’ it to change, is all they need do, that the experience they are choosing to end, is the reality they chose, the experience they chose to have, in order to gain whatever experience it was they intended for this reality. To learn, to know what it’s like, to experience, and create. It’s not good or bad, it’s just an experience.

As a collective, some personalities have decided to come to this reality more ‘awakened’, with the purpose of improving the experience for other co-creators, and for themselves to ‘experience’ this reality being more ‘aware’ and conscious. They are here to remind us of our truth, and themselves. And to help remind those without the ‘awareness’ to become conscious at a time that they chose to become aware, to be the ‘beacon’ – the co-creators of the realities, the experience. To remind them that they have the power of intention, that we didn’t come here to create a life of misery if the life of misery doesn’t create ‘joy’ at the other end, that we didn’t come here to live the entire time in darkness. That we are here to experience. To create. To feel.

We chose different experiences with the ‘end result’ in mind, meaning, that we had a purpose when we came here, we had something we wanted to experience in this reality ‘this time’, and we chose particular people to co-create the experience.

In our communications with others, we transfer knowledge, parts of what we need to know to experience what we wanted to experience. Each of us meeting, transferring our truths, and we choose to take on or discard the information that we need to be able to experience the reality we decided to have. We are ‘enjoying’ the experience with others, others who have emerged from the same ‘source’, who are co-creating realities, we are assisting them in their experience, and they are assisting us. We chose to have differences, to experience different things.

[As of writing, I’m unsure what we know about time, whether time exists, whether time is something we had the foresight of knowing prior to taking a body, that was not a part of the vision I had and so I’m unclear whether we chose particular parents to be born into knowing what was coming, or whether we just decided who would be our co-creators.. whether we were conscious with our parents first, whether they were past siblings or enemies or whether they were just personalities that we intended to get a particular experience from early in life, knowing that in the future, we would be able to obtain the reality experience we wanted. I’m not sure of this, and hope to find the answer in a future vision.]

I have to go to bed again now, but these are the rambled scrawlings I did last Saturday night (March 1st, 2014) a few minutes after I had the vision. Sorry that it is completely incoherent.. I was pretty mad with whatever was stopping me from sharing the truth, and that I wasn’t able to convey anything important at the time:

So here it is, as it was written that night.. it makes no sense right now, and I’m really disappointed that it doesn’t have these eons of wisdom that I was hoping would help all of us remember who we are… but hopefully one day, the missing pieces will appear.

Tuesday 5th August 2014 Update

So those scrawlings, my desperate attempt to communicate what I was shown, is really embarrassing to me – then and now. I never published this post (until today) because I had hoped that between then and now, I would have another awakening, another vision or dream or insight that would fill-in the lost gaps, that I would have found those lost words.

Between March and August, I tried various techniques, all sorts of meditations, endless research, and I also attempted to decalcify my pineal gland – and other things to try and unclog my brain.

Instead, I sit here now wanting to publish it just the same. Not for me, because if anything, I think this post makes me look like a complete fruitcake, and as much as I am in the mode of “be true to yourself – speak your truth” and feeling the freedom and new found love in my heart from being able to do that. I think that it’s a little ‘too out there’ to share.

Yet, when I find other bloggers who are posting their experiences and it’s sooo, sooo close to mine, I am so grateful to them for sharing. I don’t judge them, but I’m me – I find myself judging the masses more than the soul-individuals who are sharing their most inner insights that they received but don’t fully understand.

So it’s for them that I publish this, in case it inspires someone else to share their crazy experiences, maybe together all the missing pieces will fit.

I’m embarrassed that I was writing against my own higher-self or imagining that “something” was stopping me from writing. At the time, it was so clear, I was so full of clarity when I started to write and when it started fading and the words weren’t flowing, I was convinced that something was stopping me. I feel now like it can only be me that was stopping me. I don’t know what to think about that part any more, but I do feel less inclined to believe that something was stopping me except my own foggy brain or self-doubt and conditioning.

Whether this experience was imaginary or real, I don’t know. As I have only had a few similar experiences since then and can only remember a couple of similar experiences growing up (one that just came to mind now was when I died in a house fire and thought that I had awoken into a new world – the same world, maybe a parallel universe – very bizarre experience that had me walk around in confusion for a few weeks wondering why everything seemed the same but different, and wondering why noone else was feeling it too, and another where there was also fire involved and a baby died – I wrote for 3 days after that one), but nothing in the years following as strong or as real as the one above. Because this one felt like I had been ‘enlightened’ in some way. That clarity I had was so real. The knowledge so important & life-changing.

Hmm, is this what authors do? When they write stories? They have these weird imaginations and then write about it through fiction. Maybe it’s just my imagination that brought this experience to me. See, damn. I want it to be real and I’m doubting myself since the experience hasn’t been replicated since, so I struggle to know if I’m being authentic or not. I definitely need to re-experience this to smooth-over the doubt I feel inside – that doubt that I have before pressing “publish” on this post. I don’t want to share this if it wasn’t a real experience, if the words I am communicating is not truth. I need to know that it’s not just wishful thinking crazy woo-woo dreams and actual truth – actual real experiences. For some reason, I ‘do’ need to know that these weird experiences and insights isn’t just happening to me, to know that it’s happening to others to – and preferably non-crazy others, and preferably people I can learn more from, to help me understand it, harness it, to help me know what to do with it.

There was nothing out of the ordinary that night. Nothing that I can really re-produce to be able to re-experience it (although I’ve tried all the same). I’ve also tried doing nothing – actually that’s where I’ve been at the past few months, just ‘letting it be’ and not focusing so much on trying to find the answers or finding resonating beings.

And when I let it be, that’s when I find out more. The other day I was listening to some podcast shows and I felt them within the voices of those being interviewed. My people. My tribe. Sharing their truth with the world, sharing hope for humanity, speaking their truth and not at all fearful with how the masses might perceive them.

I also found some of them when I researched D.M.T. & Ayahuasca (yep – hallucinogenics, which concerned me even more!)

I see it in this guy, Charles Eisenstein, when I listened to his interview. I see it in Justin Zoradi in the book he wrote “Doing Work That Matters”. I see it in Katie Frieling.

I need to move away from where I am. I shouldn’t need to. But I need to. I either need to embrace this new me, the weird one with all the crazy thoughts about healing the woes of mankind, or give-in and pretend like this matrix-like world is something that I can fake my way through. I can’t, because of this and the other experiences, I can only ‘fake’ it a few hours at a time before the real me speaks out. I’m sick of suffocating behind a lie, conditioned-responses from generations of conditioned-responses. Living in a plastic world where noone seems to care about each other or what we’re doing to ourselves or the planet, and the lack of what we’re doing for those who need help. Being intentional about everything I do, questioning everything that I’ve been taught, learning how to shut-off the part of society that I don’t think is meaningful for this planet and its inhabitants.

Over the past few months the only new ‘big’ insight that I’ve really had is that I cannot do this alone. I need to gather up the co-creators. Share & learn.

For them to find me, I need to publish this stuff that comes out, and for me to find them, they need to as well. Whilst we keep these hidden experiences a secret, whilst we keep them hidden inside of us and not sharing it, we are not only suppressing further growth and expansion from ourselves, but from the rest of the world.

So yeah, embarrassing because I apparently still “care” what society thinks of me, I am posting it up anyway in the hope to inspire those who are having similar experiences to share.

Unless of course, I actually have gone nuts, in which case, I’m sharing for no purpose but to help everyone see just how crazy I am.

Hmm… now, do I click publish or postpone again…