Journey

I didn’t think I needed to do this because my life is an open-book thesedays… but I’ve been nominated on Facebook so I’ll try and think of something. :)  In hindsight.. I don’t think they meant me to spill the beans on my whole philosophical view of the world LOL.. but this is what came out when I answered the question:

Here are 7 things people may not know about me:

1.) There are not many similarities between the person I am today and the person I was 2 years ago. I don’t think the same, look the same, or live the same. I used to be well and truly plugged into the Matrix: stressed, chasing riches, success, busy-ness, love, which ultimately led to a body & mind that was fat, sick, dying and depressed. Somehow my reset-button was clicked when I didn’t think the world could get any darker or more helpless, and I’ve been able to snip off a few cords and start to see life in a better way. I’m on a journey to a better life – a chosen & intentional path to become who I really am.

 
2.) I currently see the world in an energetic way. Not so much “The Secret” movie way of energy that you read/hear about (although similar). More, that there is an invisible yet powerful flow of energy that is directed by your intentions and what you believe to be true for you. That the type of world that becomes your reality is through your own belief system and that everything is powered by this intention.

 
3.) I used to be an energy vampire and not know it. I think most people are and would be horrified to find out that they are (they aren’t deliberately doing it, it’s just a primitive / automatic tool that most humans use to heal themselves). When they are crying out – trying to make people feel guilty, sending out hate/judgement/fear, or are attempting to blame the world or anyone/any event for all their problems… trying to gather sympathy/love/empathy/understanding… or even trying to make others feel pain/anger/hurt, that is the tool they use to heal themselves. It’s an unconscious way of feeling ‘something’ that helps them get through that moment.

If they only knew there are millions of other ways to heal – that everything has the energy they need to heal their mind, pain and illnesses – they would no longer engage in this way as most would not intentionally try to draw energy out of others to heal themselves.

(And even if I turn out to be “wrong” about this current theory – I’m finding it’s a better way to live.. a more intentional, conscious, happy way of living; where you intend everything to be well, and seek out the positive in every situation – everything is ‘better’. My ‘bad days now are probably what my ‘good’ days were for the past 20 years… my bad-scale has moved up many notches, and will keep increasing)

I cured myself of my chronic illnesses and certain death through my belief that I would, and then making intentional baby steps towards. I’m still on this path, still “leaning towards”. I blog about this and have websites and private groups where I share my journey.

 
4.) I have downsized my life to my van. I sleep & hangout in my van. I still live/eat/use computer in a house and once I have done something with the rest of my stuff that didn’t ‘make the cut’, I’m off to the Sunshine Coast for the first leg of the rest of life’s journey. Right now I’m “leaning towards” living in my van full-time by choice, but as with anything in life, I will go with whatever I feel at the time. I may or may not do that – see next point.

5.) I do not live via a blueprint – I do not have dates or goals or timelines. I used to be a list-girl, completing hundreds of tasks on any given day, chasing goals, never sleeping, and running around in circles. A ‘stressed-out’ bitch. I now “lean towards” what feels like the right thing for me to do at the time. I live in the moment – this moment. And accept all that is as where I’m meant to be for the now. I have ideas about what I want to do, and lean towards them; take baby-steps towards them.

6.) I no longer feel stress and I make intentional choices towards avoiding stress. I leave an hour early to be anywhere, even if it’s just down the road. I don’t say yes to events until the last few hours. I don’t have the phone on me unless I’m away from home. I don’t answer the phone much or make many calls, and I barely answer emails. I used to run 100 websites at once, downsized to 70 for many years, and have spent the past couple of years downsizing to about 17 – and intend to downsize to about 4 over the next few years (I don’t do “urgent” any-more – I work on things when I feel like working on them). I am trying to cut away the slavery – the expectations – and live as free as I can in this world… and share the journey with others along the way who resonate with doing similar.

 
7.) I’m a recovering people-pleaser.
I’ve spent the past couple of years attempting for the first time to be 100% true to who I am. To learn who I really am & experience that before I die. To slowly peel away this mask that we all put on 24/7 depending on who we are around. I want to at least know who I truly am before I leave this world. I love people and I care about people. I intentionally send love-energy to everyone I meet and interact with and probably whoever is reading this at any one time. But I don’t have an expected outcome/reaction from anyone any-more. i.e. I don’t even think about if you like me or not, I’m just finding “me”, I will send love to you and try and speak directly soul-to-soul to you. And if I am looking into your eyes – believe me – it’s not a “crush” hehe. I’m also loving and enjoying the freedom of being single.

Because I’m still a “recovering” people-pleasure, I do not have this down-pat 100% of the time yet, I still get twinges of anxiety sometimes when I speak my truth, I still worry a little about what others think of me in certain situations, but I kind of try and find a way to be ok with it as I know it’s part of my journey to become who I am.

I also feel like this won’t resonate with many people, and I am trying to accept people for where they are in their own journeys, with their own truths/beliefs – and that is where I constantly seek wisdom to overcome in myself – that just because I choose this way of viewing the world, and just because “I” think it’s a better way to live, doesn’t mean it’s for everyone at this time, or any-time.

I do feel resistance in myself when I speak my truth especially when I think it will differ from the truth of the person I am in front-of at the time, because I have this expectation that people don’t or won’t “get it” because it took me almost 39 years to “get” myself. But I’m working on it lol.. ever-working on trying to not pass on my truth except when people find it accidentally via my website, or when they “sign up for it” by joining my private groups… ie. I really try and let you be you without my own judgements, because I feel we are all where we are meant to be at this time, but this is still a work-in-progress that I’m ever-improving on x