Journey

Tues 6th Oct morning pages.

Who you are the world has never known. I love those words from Matt Kahn.
Everyone needs to hear those words and have them embedded because it celebrates our uniqueness and our unique experiences, perspectives, and why we are here. It helps you become less judgemental about yourself and others, and opens your heart to unconditional love; accepting everyone and loving everyone for their unique part that they bring into your experience.

If everyone could just let go of their masks, let go of trying to be like everyone else, trying to be copycat’s and me too’s, each could be living their hearts desires instead of feeling so suppressed.

Barely anyone I have ever met has belief in themselves. It was sucked out of them in their first 7 years, and replaced with limited beliefs of being “less than” and conformity to a set path of how to think, dress, eat, what to say, what is right for them… a path set by others. They lost touch and belief in their inner guidance and have been experiencing trauma and doubts and fears and suffering, yearning to be heard and loved, and to express their true selves, ever since.

Up until recently I had a heap of beliefs come up to the surface that were not serving the life I want to have, that I didn’t even KNOW was getting in the way, until after they were cleared… how much more in there is stopping me from being all I can be?

The beliefs I’ve taken on in the past few years have really helped served my life, and I’ve been trying to share the wisdom I’ve embraced, the beliefs that have healed my body and my mind and my soul, that helps me live freer and happier despite my surroundings… though I often feel like the things I say does not compute in my wide-range circle. Whilst they all still feel trapped & powerless in their lives, they have and are still running that ‘limited, less-than’ programming, still conditioned, still living fearful of stepping into who they really are, still holding back from being all they can be, still believing that their dreams are outside of their reality, that they aren’t creating all of this, that none of this is helping them, that the world is hurting them. They have wants, dreams, desires, and a yearn from their soul that needs to be expressed, but see them all as outside of what is possible for them.

They see me choosing the simple van life, wanting to travel, wanting to spend my life helping people as a kind of “downgrade” from the life they think they are working towards.

It’s all very bizarre from my perspective. So just as they are like, huh? Why would anyone want to do that? I’m like huh? Why wouldn’t anyone not want this freedom over their time and lives? Why wouldn’t anyone want to experience this love and this freedom and this passion. lol. Just different perspectives.

No judgement to those who are absolutely happy with the life they have chosen. That’s awesome, keep doing what you are doing. Two thumbs up.

But to those who are miserable, sick, feeling helpless, think they are anything less than this infinite being I know them to be, and yet continue to do the very things that keep them miserable. They are the ones that I want to help. They are the ones who I want to free from their cages. They are the ones that are living the life that I used to live, that I resonate with, can understand, that I have compassion for, and I feel their deep pain, and I love them and I want to know they are loved, and I want to help them lift themselves out of their suffering, that I want to help break free from the prisons they have built around their hearts and souls. I don’t want everyone to live the van life or anything, I just want the best for everyone. To do what they came here to do. To experience what they came here to experience. I want those who are suffocating in their own creation, that didn’t mean to choose that path, to realize they can create a whole new reality, to reconnect to their soul, to listen to their inner voice or higher self or whatever that loud yearning is that is trying to help them experience a better life. When you don’t listen to your yearning, when you beat it up and kick it around and stifle it, that is the agony and suffering you feel.

I’ve realized that our ability to achieve the experiences we yearn for, that we are called towards, mainly relies on the beliefs we hold and our disconnect from our hearts and souls.

Who you are, the world has never known. Who I am, the world has never known.

The things that hold me back from achieving my heart’s desires is those limited beliefs & stuck emotions that are still residing in me, awaiting to be cleared or reprogrammed into beliefs that serve my highest good.

I’ve been doing a lot of inner work lately. Clearing out the shit. And from that, new beliefs are appearing making me wonder just how far we can go.

Who are we when the world doesn’t tell us who we are? What is possible when we remove ‘impossible’ from our lives?

I’ve turned my life completely around over the past 3 years, but most of the time, I was still very lost in doubt, fear and limited beliefs. I kinda did it “in spite of” myself but I’m now getting more and more intuitive about “what next” to release, what next to give me “permission” to follow my calling. It’s all speeding up as I lose doubts, remove fears, clear negative, limited beliefs. It’s speeding forward. My heart is opening wider and wider to all possibilities.

What other hurdles are in my way that I have created from an unconscious state of mind. What is possible if I consciously follow my inner guidance and see and truly believe that everything is here to help me and those I connect with in my life? The domino effect of transforming the world to a place of joy for souls to experience.

I still feel a bit of fear in my gut when I say things like that. I feel all the “but I can’t’s”, and all the excuses of the world. The stuff I don’t know. The stuff that might be wrong. The stuff that just doesn’t make any sense from our human perspective. I have my own fears and doubts and I feel – I really feel all of yours. But my excitement about what is possible is overriding the naysayers, and is becoming a much louder, booming voice than the anxiety & fear-driven voices that popup when I question the status quo.

What really is possible if we actively clear out our negative, fearful beliefs and courageously and purposefully follow our hearts desires?

What experiences are possible to explore, what expansion is possible for our growth, just how far can we go?

The more I trust my inner voice, the more clearer and easier and happier life gets. I stay in a high more often than not. Life is weird, no doubt. It’s all new, and everything is happening in real-time, and I’m growing in real-time, and I can barely tell anyone what I’m seeing and experiencing lol, it’s like – crap, this is sooo cool but who the heck is going to believe me? LOL.
If it didn’t make life more fun, exciting, interesting, adventurous, mysterious and joyful, then I wouldn’t be striving forward and asking my doubts to hush-now, Penny’s having fun here, do you want to stay in the fearful, doubtful, low-density energies and live a crappy life? Or do you want to come play with me in the universe and find out just how far out awesome and crazy it can get?

Unlike last year, right now, the negative energies can’t pull me down as easily and I can share my energy and good vibes with those that need it. Instead of trying to protect my energy, and avoid low-density areas, I strive towards it and help share the energy and raise the vibrations in those areas. I probably should figure out a way where it can’t affect me at all, cos sometimes it does, but right now, I’m enjoying allowing it to flow straight through me from wherever I’m getting it, and seeing myself as like a tool they can use to access what they don’t yet know is already within them to access.

I also now see the people I’m meant to help more clearly and this is just from the clearings I did recently on myself. All of a sudden, I’m like a magnet for not only conscious co-creators to find me (soul lessons and people that I can talk crazy with lol), but people who are ready for “this” whatever this is. I don’t get all bordered-up and put the barriers up like I would before. My heart is open, is alive, and is ready to be of service to those that need it. It’s like their souls are directing them straight to me now, showing them, guiding them, leading them to me so we can help each other.

If it’s a soul that needs help, I can help by raising my own vibrations, which helps raise theirs, share my energy or any messages I feel compelled to share (when you don’t want to speak and you hold back, but it blurts out anyway! lol). There is a deep love and care for them, absolute compassionate energy radiating from me. And it is kinda weird. Having this knowing on my side, a knowing that our souls have arranged this, but not knowing just how much I’m meant to share, as in.. I know that I no longer see reality the same as they do, I’m in a different world, experiencing a different reality, and if I’m not compassionate, or understanding about where they are, what they are experiencing being exactly where they need to be right now for their own soul’s growth.. basically, I don’t want to screw up their belief systems that’s all part of their journey… and it could scare them back into their cave. And I don’t know where my journey is leading me to either. hehe.

So right now, I’m using this new awareness to just send energy & unconditional love, and higher vibrations. To help them feel loved and cared for on a deeply profound, universal level, not a romantic or erotic kind of love. Our birthright love. Soul and oneness, non-judgemental, loving you for who you are and wanting the absolute best for you. Until I work out how I tapped into this and have a way to share it with them, this is all I can really do, but I want to do more especially when I see people destroying themselves and suffering and not knowing what to do, not knowing if I’m supposed to do more, or just keep doing what I have learned so far.

I’m also now actively seeking anything that can strengthen my connection to whatever this is, this divine guidance, source, soul, my higher self, my inner voice, or whatever this invisible force is that helps my life so much, that helps me feel so good all the time, and helps me want to share this with others I encounter, knowing that my intentions and beliefs and will is what is helping all of this materialize, and so I seek tools & methods that others have used to harness my intentions and beliefs further, and transform different methodologies into something I can use and put my own stamp on.

I want people to also experience this, their potential for greatness, help them open their hearts to what’s possible, help them heal and soar.

Before the past 2 months of healing & clearing, my mind and heart were clouded with doubts. I still had a ‘sense’ and still had weird experiences, but it seemed so outrageously unbelievable to my logical, rational, brainwashed mind that I couldn’t fully embrace it. I embraced it only partially instead, and made it “ok” to semi-explore by saying that even if it’s all made-up nonsense in my own mind, that it really is serving me, it’s helping me, and everything feels better.

Now I’m starting to really let go and fully embrace it. My doubts are slowly dissipating as I see what is possible already from what I’ve experienced since letting the doubts go, being able to manifest things in days, and having experiences with a knowing what it is (why this person has connected, why that roadblock came up, and so on..); just seeing things from a different dimension of what I’ve ever been able to experience before, has changed me in so many ways because now I want to know just what else is possible!

The doubts I have now are more to do with ‘How the Heck do I share this with those that are stuck where I was?’. But then, that’s my new purpose I think. To keep working on myself, unfolding this mystery, recognizing my own limited beliefs, seeing what else is possible, seeing how good it can get, and sharing my journey and experiences for those who are ready to believe.

I have to believe that their souls will guide them to me when they are ready to start letting go of the conditioning, to raise their vibrations, and become powerful co-creators for the highest good of this reality, of the world. I have to believe that will happen more and more as I step inside of this myself, that I fully embrace the crazy!

And just like I’m a magnet right now for souls that are leading people to me, I’m an anti-magnet for those that are not meant to be in life at this time. I don’t get caught up in less-than-purposeful daily dramas anymore. They are either in my life for a purpose, or they are just not there, like.. 2 magnets that just won’t stick together, those people are like completely disconnected from me. It’s so easy with the cloudiness gone. I’m attracting and being called to others who think as I do, or who are ready to get some of this rubbed onto them lol. And they are helping me just as profoundly.

Two of these connections have been in my life for over 15 years and we didn’t know that our futures would lead to this, nothing of the past clued us in for what was to come, but the connection was made for this. And now we see it all as some kind of divine plan. So amazing to be able to have people to speak like this to and know that they also experienced the same awakening process, so they understand where you are at and what doubts you are dealing with and vice-versa. That all of this has been some kind of pre-agreement / arranged meetings made prior to us stepping into this time, this place.

Some really strong connections are coming into my life at this time, for the very purpose for each of us to bring out things to deal with. They come at just the right time for clearing. Divine timing.

As I drop the doubts, quieten the voice of the fears, and embrace what is possible, life becomes a mysterious joyride, miracles happen regularly, and happiness and lightness surrounds me. I never thought life could feel this good as nothing heavy is burdening my soul anymore. And I know that the communication will keep strengthening as I follow this path, as I keep removing the ‘less than / limited’ beliefs and come into my true potential, what my heart was closed-off to, and disconnected from before, now I know what I need to do to discover how good it can get, for us, and for others.

More clearings, more loving of every part of myself that sacrificed and suffered on this journey so far, more belief in things I thought impossible, more tuning-in to the inner guidance, higher self and collective wisdom.

What will this reality look like, feel like, and be like, and what great experiences can we manifest if we removed all those limitations and believed, intended, and come into our infinite selves?

If this unconditional love and connection I feel is just the starting point of what’s possible, I wonder just how much better it can get?

Right now, it’s a case of being mindful about what I think about because things are manifesting much faster than I’ve ever experienced in the past. Especially what I “fear”, even for a moment, so I have to focus on what I want to experience, on bringing more good, and on sharing my love, and seeing what I want to create and bring in, and on helping others by being my best, by vibrating higher, by loving them completely and unapologetically lol.

Things manifest in days, sometimes hours. The bad things are more noticeable and faster to observe and learn from. I’ve got to keep recognizing and clearing the doubts, fears, and negative, limited thoughts by having a knowing that they don’t exist, that they are only there because I brought them in and so I need uncreate them by focusing on unlimited, love, compassion, kindness, peace, and bringing my complete attention on good intentions for the highest good of all.

When darkness, doubts, negative limited beliefs, heavy burdens and densities, or fears are felt, they are there because it’s time to clear them out. So I feel into them, why is it there? What message does it bring? How can I love myself more? What needs healing or attention, or to be cleared? Then I feel into it, tune into it, listen to it – and by listening, or rather, giving it my focused attention, being with it – I am healing it, freeing it, and releasing it. I feel compassion and love pouring in.

I’m also learning from others, and making them my own, making them stronger by making them my own – what feels right to me. I listen and act upon what is brought to me. If someone recommends a book, article, video, quote, song, whatever.. I pay attention if it’s someone that I feel a connection with, someone I’m learning from. And every-time, it validates something or brings me what I need at that time. It’s kinda profound how it moves me through to more clarity and understanding, and healing, and release. Sometimes (often actually), it’s not actually what they have sent, but what it brings out in me. And enables me to tune-in more to my own intuition, wisdom and intentions. My intentions are like my magic wand. My intentions, my beliefs that shape my intentions, my will, all of that combined and more, is my superpower.

Nothing can hurt me. It’s all – everything – is here to help me.
That’s a profound change from who I used to be, and what I used to believe. When you come from a place of ‘everything is here to help me’, it’s a life skill that serves all aspects & every area of your life. From your relationships, to where and how you choose to spend your time, and beyond – at work, with passers-by, with the food you eat.. with everything you touch and observe really.

One of the best gifts I’ve become aware of is, that you can really be completely ‘present’ in-the-moment with whoever you are communicating with, rather than thinking of a million different things at once, you are there, really there, really experiencing that moment, that interaction with them. And when you are coming from a place of unconditional love, you are communicating not only on the words that are spoken, but on an energetic and soul level. It’s a deeper experience. It’s special, and even if they are unaware, they are drawn to you more because of it, their conversation is more allowing of stuff to come out, things they have never expressed before, they even look surprised at what comes out of their mouths sometimes. They feel safe, they feel like they have permission to be themselves, because they do – nothing they say is going to shock you when you see the world through these eyes. It’s truly a blessing to experience life like this, to experience people like this. It’s really changed how I interact with people in person. As I allow more of the “real me” to come out, it gives people that space, that opening, that trust, that permission for the “real me” in them, to come out too.

My next goal is to learn how to visualize. To see things in my mind’s eye. I’ve never been able to do it that and never thought it would be possible for me, but now I know that belief is the reason why I can’t do it. My belief that ‘I can’t’ is stopping me from seeing. There is a wall I must pull down, a door to unlock/open, a barrier to my ability to manifest great things in this reality & that is it I think. I can dream, so why can’t I see anything under hypnosis or in guided meditations, why can’t I picture a colour or an item when I close my eyes. Why can’t I imagine? I really want to unlock this ability because I can see how it can greatly enhance my intentions, super-charge my beliefs, and allow me to manifest more goodness to this world. I imagine great things will be possible when I can use my imagination in pictures instead of darkness.

That’s it for today I think :)

I’m basically making it my life’s daily habit to be the best version of myself, to keep growing and expanding and loving, and see what shows up!