Journey

I think the sickest/darkest times of our lives are the best learning experiences and biggest change-creators. Even though it barely feels that way when we are going through the darkest patch. I have been through the dark side, and I’m on my own ‘journey to a better life’ and this past year, I’ve lost a heap of weight naturally through absolutely flooding my body with nutrients & a gradual mindset adjustment.. I didn’t starve, and I wasn’t trying to lose weight – I didn’t care about that, I wanted to live! To be the example for my family. I flooded my body with a (mostly) plant-based diet. I still eat meat, I eat whatever I want actually, but I choose to eat things that make me feel alive, that make me feel vital and energetic, and make me feel like I’m moving ‘towards’ health and away from disease.

I think mindset is the most important aspect of anything now and if I hadn’t got so deathly ill, I wouldn’t of completely changed my life.

I used to chase money and wealth and live in my 4 walls, noone knew who I was, and I was going to die not knowing what people would say at my funeral “she was a hardworker? she was dedicated? she was “too busy for anyone”?- but I knew that noone knew who I really was inside, and that bothered me the most. That I wasn’t living authentically, and that I had nothing to leave as my ‘legacy’.

I used to think I was speaking my truth, but when I really, really started speaking my truth – the crazy stuff that I kept hidden deep down, whilst discovering who I am.. that’s when more truth was revealed. Everytime I ‘really’ speak the truth – the scary stuff – the stuff that makes you want to not click on ‘publish’ – that’s when I get the next piece of the puzzle ‘revealed’ to me. With each truth I share, a new truth is revealed soon after.

Being frightened about what ‘other people think’ of you is not the scariest thing – it does feel like it, but I realized it’s actually ‘being fearful of what you think of yourself’, things your subconscious is still trying to protect you from, things you have buried that isn’t necessarily your truth, but things you haven’t yet ‘dealt’ with / removed the ‘charge’ from. I’m still working through negative beliefs of ‘I’m not good enough’ type messages, but have tools and ways of dissipating them now (but always love learning new ways to explore, because I know I still have a few gremlins in there that I am yet to deal with). I love unravelling and learning who I really am and practising this new authentic way of living, even when it seems pretty isolating sometimes (like I’m the only ‘sane’ one or the only ‘insane’ one lol.. depending on what I’m ‘revealing’ or exploring at the time).

No matter what anyone says.. it doesn’t ‘hurt’ unless some part of you feels there is some kind of truth to it. That’s what gives you a hint onto what you can work on. You can think to yourself ‘oh, that’s intriguing, I actually felt something negative when you said that, wonder why I felt that way? Goodie – something new to work through’.

e.g. If someone came up to me and said “You are a little dancing purple squirrel with yellow spots”.. I would look at them oddly and maybe they might get a smirk or a laugh out of me because of how ridiculous it is… how “untrue” it is… there are no emotional ‘charges’ from things that sound ridiculous. The only words from others that ‘affect’ me negatively are things that I haven’t yet recovered from.. there is only an emotional charge, when some part of me fears or thinks there is truth to it (even if we’re not conscious of it, it might be something we hid from ourselves for our own protection earlier, or an actual incorrect/wrong belief that we haven’t ‘let go of’, maybe from a parent or someone we once trusted with wisdom; a belief we have taken on that has absolutely no truth to it, but yet somehow our subconscious mind thinks there is because of where/when the message was first received).

However you get through that, whatever tool or practice you use (journalling, discussing, meditating, witnessing or “Insert YOUR UNIQUE way here”)… you can now choose to deal with whatever part of you is holding on to that negative belief if you are ready. I use EFT or Energy Healings, ‘quiet reflection’, or trying to see things from other people’s perspectives (where are they at in their journey, why did they say that, what beliefs are they holding onto that makes them think it’s right to say that), or just ‘observing the show’, watching myself like watching a movie, observing why a certain word from someone even had a negative-charge, sometimes it’s more to do with them, than me – i.e. not so much a negative charge sometimes, but rather an ’empathetic’ charge instead.

The other month, a complete stranger was able to rattle me, I felt it everywhere but especially in my gut. I was shocked because I’ve been in such an awesome head-space at the time and life was going along great, I could see the good in everyone, have love for everyone, could see the reality unfold before me and everything was so clear & wonderful, and then ‘bam’, this completely stranger says he doesn’t want to be my friend (in different words – nastier), and I felt defensive, felt all sorts of emotions come up in me, and old child-like emotions come up inside me “don’t you know who I am?” lol. I knew that I didn’t want to be friends with someone who was horrible as a human being anyway, but because I was in a place where I saw all of us as being ‘connected’, as ‘one’, and had been living life as pure love, I was astonished that I had tried to connect with him thinking I was connecting with another fellow awakened soul, yet finding out he was actually a ‘meanie’, and then surprised with myself that I couldn’t just laugh it off straight away. I did an energy healing on it, and there is no emotional charge attached to it anymore, I can read his messages again and feel nothing. And realize that my shock was just because I had been trusting my intuition so much lately & been attracting all sorts of awesome beings to me, that I thought this guy was on the same path as me, just because he happens to be a member of the same groups on FB.

I appreciate the growth lessons in my spiritual journey that I come across, anything that gives me a charge or ‘clue’ to what next will be revealed, about myself, and about all those we are connected to.