Journey

These words really ring true for me at this time. (although I don’t know anything about this Lion’s gate 8-8-8 thing that keeps popping up all over the place).. but lately really experiencing a whole lot of syncronicities, end-of-suffering lessons, pushes, nudges & prods, and conditional/unconditional love lessons lately).. there is something to it.

Having such a diverse group in here is great.. I know ‘some of you’ from different journeys… from different times in our lives.. and wow, I’m not even the same person I was yesterday let alone who I was ‘pretending to be’ 2 years ago (or however long any of us have individually connected with each other)… anyway.. I don’t know what you think of this.. but I’m interested in your perspective.

When my energy is high.. or.. when I feel in alignment, whole, complete, at peace, love for all that is.. my life, circumstances, the things that are open up, the experiences that show up (in other words.. when I’m vibrating at a higher frequency)….. those who are vibrating at a similar frequency seem to want to connect/communicate & come into my life.. (like *BOOM*.. just like that.. one after the other.. my “tribe” is called up vibrationally and we all syncronistically connect within a short period of time.. some for a “minute.. or a passing moment”.. and others for much deeper levels of communication – some that are going to be part of “the journey” together for a lot longer). I’m finding it surreal .. and ‘everything’ is light and there is a knowing of being on the ‘right path’…

At the same time I’ve noticed that those same people lately are going through very similar ‘awareness-like-experiences’… like a wave they are being drawn in & repelled away while we each go through our own (very similar) lessons..(generally on the exact same day?).. i.e. when I’m aware of receiving a new awareness, they have their own stuff that keeps coming up for them at the exact same time .. and some of the things that they are going through, I guess I was ‘called in’ to be some part of ‘their’ lesson(s) as they are to me, even though the lessons differ for each of us, the needed energies were “us” for those energies to ‘show up’. We are learning & teaching just through our energies (wait.. I might be talking crazy.. I have been drinking tonight so I’m deep in “crazy” right now… but I’m going to get this out anyway).

and then…

What is really cool right now.. is the awareness of when I’m vibrating at a lower frequency.. (tonight.. a few days ago.. and specific moments..throughout the days/weeks ) .. the same appears.. it’s like.. when I’m high – I get higher.. when I’m low – I get expansion & awareness… same situations repeating.. new awareness/perspective/insights/growth from it.

Instead of being a ‘victim’ or experiencing any kind of suffering.. I feel really blessed (oh god.. that word .. lol.. what is another word that means what I’m trying to convey?).. I feel so much ‘more than’ gratitude.. expansion.. love.. awareness coming up.. that everyone that connects with you has something to share.. but it’s not a conscious thing.. we don’t know how we’re helping the other being.. we don’t know the message we bring… or the lesson we bring.. (and vice versa).. it’s energetic.. it’s beyond.. but it’s ‘there’… it ‘exists’.

I don’t pretend to know how it all works, I love trying to figure it out though… but when you can flow-through a negative moment knowing that you are like vibrating 4 million times higher than you would’ve when comforted with the same situation years ago.. like.. when you can see how far you’ve come.. that maybe years ago you would’ve had a judgement.. maybe years ago you would’ve let your ‘ego’ be bruised.. years ago it would’ve been ‘painful’.. but now.. it’s higher.. it’s just a ‘blip’.. a moment.. once you ‘live it’ in this new perspective.. it changes, it shifts.. it’s just a lesson (maybe one that I personally do not yet have the ability to verbalize coherently.. but there is a new understanding.. a new ‘lift’.. a ‘shift’… another piece of the puzzle has found it’s place.. and you don’t have to and probably won’t need to but.. you know, that if you ever were to re-live it again.. it wouldn’t even change your vibration.. your energies have re-aligned with that particular ‘moment’ to match your new awareness.. and so therefore that lesson.. is ‘done’.. and it’s time for the next lesson to reveal itself (or.. ? *shrugs*).

That ‘high’ is awesome.. something to aim for & definitely feels like ‘coming home’ and is that place we all seek (when we’re ‘not’ in alignment to that higher frequency.. that ‘connection to source’.. whatever you want to call it). That ‘high’ calls forward the highest version of you, and the highest versions of others.. it is a place of great hope and great creation.. and “wonder”.. and optimism.. and true unconditional love for all that is).

Yet there is soooooooo much value from what comes up, so much growth, and expansion when we’re in any ‘other’ frequency .. new insights, new flow, new perspectives, old energies that were never ‘moved’ get ‘worked on’… it’s like I’m reliving things again to do differently.. to experience the same thing differently as this “new person”… and because you have this new awareness/perspective.. it ‘feels like’.. you didn’t “choose right” the first time you experienced it.

Although that’s probably not the case. I think we choose to experience all of this, that the whole ‘human experience’ – every different aspect of “being human” is what we came here to experience.. so for me, none of it is a ‘mistake’.. but when you re-experience a past ‘hurt’ or something presses your hot-buttons.. and you re-experience with a new perspective, a new awareness, it feels like the ‘first time’ was ‘wrong’ and ‘this time’ was ‘right’ or ‘better’… and that ‘next time’.. it won’t even ‘bump you out of alignment’ :)

So it may seem like in hindsight that it wasn’t very wise to keep dragging our ‘suffering/hero’ stories around with us for decades.. maybe at that time, it was exactly what we were here to experience.

Or maybe I was just asleep the first few hundred times and didn’t get it … or maybe it is to show us how unhelpful and ‘murky’ it feels to drag old stories around when you realize you ‘have a choice’.

That from birth we’re taught and are now on auto-pilot to avoid ‘pain’ – avoid ‘suffering’ – and have ingrained ‘fear’ about experiencing it.. (I will never fall in love again, I will never let a person get that close to me, I will never leave my door unlocked, I will never talk to strangers, I will never… insert “anything you fear” here, etc.) .. but “that fear of pain” is what destroys us.. that brainwashing which comes from a place of protection, actually harms us in the long-run, because then when we experience pain, it becomes another ‘barrier’, another ‘failure’, another ‘proof of not good enough’, another reason to ‘lock out’ parts of our true selves, etc.

If instead of being conditioned to ‘avoid pain’, we were taught to see pain, fear, suffering, and any kind of negative (& positive) emotions as a guidance system for our lives.. as truly intended to ‘help us’ instead of ‘harm us’, the suffering is avoided almost entirely. 

I’ll try and explain it from how I see it… 

When you have a perspective that serves you better, and are faced with a memory or a pang of your ‘old suffering/misery/victim story’ coming up again, you can actually choose to take a ‘detour’ from making it a ‘negative’ part of you again and experience all the awesomeness about it when you experience it from a new place of ‘awareness’. Instead of trying to avoid the situation altogether, or run-away from it, you can receive fullness from it.. expansion from it… you can turn it into a lesson – a tool – divine guidance from within – the negative aspects of it completely dissipates from being part of the “big story of why you act the way you act, why you are the way you are, an ‘excuse’ for being ‘less than’ your greatest self”.. and instead becomes part of your ‘insight-fullness’ for guiding you to a higher vibration.. or if you don’t resonate with that.. a ‘higher version of you’.

Of course I have my own ‘big stories’ …but since I started ‘letting go’ of the past, trusting and having faith in this moment, that everything (including any seemingly ‘unwanted’ experience) is here to help us, that we are some sort of energetic beings and that this is just the way that it works in this particular reality…  that there is so much more to us than the ‘human experience’ than what we have been taught.

I don’t even want to talk about any ‘negative’ things that brought me to where I am today anymore.. I’m happy where I’m at and don’t regret anything that I have experienced (now). I don’t want anyone’s “sympathy” energy. I’m grateful for all that brought me to the now…  and I’m content to just summarize the negative stories with “the universe kicked my ass”, or better: “the universe clicked my reset button”.. I don’t feel like going into “detail” anymore (like I used to really “have to” when I first started on this journey).

I just don’t ‘resonate’ with my old stories anymore. It’s like they happened to a completely different person.. in a completely different life, in another world. I only want to experience “newness” from the awareness of where I am today, now – in this moment (my “current” story, my “now-ness story”), and keep growing and expanding and evolving and keep finding ways to tap-into that ‘higher’ vibration (but not fear ever-experiencing the lower vibrations as those are the prods and beacons – the internal cues – that help guide & direct me to where I want to go.. they are only there to bring awareness.. like when I’m not in alignment to who I am, or to show me where I have a conflicting belief, or to help guide me to where I’m going.

It just doesn’t serve me to own any of my past stories.. even though I know they make-up part of who I am today but it feels like once I have acknowledged that it’s there.. that this feeling has come up, or that emotion has come up.. and not judged myself (too harshly lol) for it.. but rather tried to recognize where the conflicting belief is or whatever shows up – if I don’t try and “block it” but rather just realize that it’s here to help me, acknowledge it (oh hello there old-feeling-that-I-don’t-want.. hello there past-fear/old-belief, why are you showing up? oh, its to experience it from this new ‘awareness’), feel it, ponder whether that feeling serves me or not.. once you have received the lesson..(whether or not you know ‘why’ it showed up or got any kind of ‘insight’ or not.. )  they no longer have any negative-power over you. You see it all as a guide .. a tool of expansion.. there to help you become who you are. It’s just a “amber” light in traffic.

Today, when I was talking to a few people.. they wanted to tell me their stories .. of why they feel that (negative) way of thinking.. justifying to me (or really, themselves) of why they can’t move on with their lives, why they hate this, or why “that person” is ruining their lives.. and even though where they are at, is valid for them at this point in time.. part of their individual experience, part of their journey.. I didn’t resonate with why they needed to keep telling the same story (I mean.. as I was observing them telling the story, I had an overwhelming knowing that their story was what was holding them hostage.. that until they see their feelings about everything as a tool to help guide them to where they want to be, and move away from fear/worry to a place of hope/love.. until they “change” & create a new story, they will keep reliving the same day, the same lesson.. (the same energy)… that until they get that it is part of their spiritual & personal growth, until they turn-it-around to be of benefit to them, they will remain ‘stuck’ in that depressive/resistant/painful vibration.

(Even though for decades.. I would’ve definitely resonated and empathized.. now I’m moving towards a place of guiding myself into the higher vibration.. i.e. when you are focused on the old story, you stay stuck in the old energy.. it doesn’t move until you start to move into a higher vibration, which you can’t do while reliving the old story… and when you are following your intuition, your heart, your gut.. your instincts.. the old energy dissipates and allows for that awareness of that which is moving you forward and that which is holding you back.. and that which is serving you and that which is not, and so on.)

I know that subconsciously, I still would have lots of stories that make up my belief system — millions of tiny barriers that need to be ‘cleared’ at some stage..that also hold me hostage in some way… but I trust that the journey is bringing me all these opportunities to do just that… that situations, experiences, and other people show up.. and the little barriers within are revealed & removed…. they come up to be cleared.. and although instinctively I try and move through this expansion ‘quicker’.. always trying to find ways to clear barriers to my own potential and happiness.. constantly finding “tools” and methods and seeking out ways to be ‘more than’, ‘better than’, etc. than I was before. etc… even though I always try and do this.. right now.. as I’m typing this.. I’m thinking that maybe they aren’t helping anything go any ‘faster’ (that things come up when you are ready for them, and I find the right tools when I need them).. but I do get benefit from ever-searching because all of these ‘tools’ are from people who are operating from the higher-vibration ‘space’ and so therefore I’m kinda ‘hanging out’ with those who are at a ‘higher-vibration’ by seeking in that space. And perhaps everything I learn along-the-way, even things that are not used immediately, do give me more knowing, more wisdom.. more awareness, more mindfulness of what to do “when” that ‘future something’ comes up, that any one of the things I have learnt in my lifetime to that point, is the anecdote that helps dissipate the negative (receive the lesson, release the energy-barrier). 

Experiencing life with my new mindset / perspective / awareness / with these new ‘eyes’… like.. now that I see it all from a different angle… from afar.. from higher.. and from everything that has ‘taught’ me since the universe clicked my reset button… I can recognize the drastic changes in me.. I’m no longer a ‘slave’ to these things that ‘come up’ anymore.. no longer a ‘victim’.. everything.. like.. I really, truly believe that everything can be experienced as part of us evolving in some form… that these things come up because we ‘call it’ into our being again – we vibrate at a certain frequency and the ‘lesson’ that you are ready for, appears. Or some part of you “wants” to re-experience it from this new place of awareness, that some part of you ‘knows’ that the energy is still stuck-there in your be-ing, and it connects you with the right experiences at the right time in order for you to experience it again and shift that energy to a higher vibration.

And now.. I just remembered calling someone “crazy” recently. And I’m laughing at what I just typed up, and thinking.. “pot calling the kettle…?” That guy that I called ‘crazy’ is pretty sane compared to where my head seems to be at now… but in all honesty. somehow, “inside me”.. this all makes perfect sense to me internally.. even though I may not yet be able to verbalize it / communicate it externally.