Journey

Understanding fear is the key to alleviating human suffering, and that’s why I believe that taking on a belief – at least until we learn more – that we are here to ascend (evolve .. ever evolve.. expand… grow.. infinitely.. ) is a good lens to perceive the world through, that we are each having a personal evolvement of some kind, possibly spanning out a millennia of lifetimes…and embracing the duality seems to be key.. seeing the “darkness” as “helping us” evolve.

Duality.. I have written so many journals on my ever-adjusting theories about it and I’m always trying to expand my understanding on duality to get “absolutes”.. but I also don’t like taking on “absolutes” because learning – being the student – is another reason why I feel that I am here.. the awe of newness.. to experience that which we haven’t yet experienced.. to learn ourselves, to become by “being”.. so I live like I’m ever-getting-the-next-step based on just this “one life’s” viewpoint/ perspective and yet… I don’t think we ever get “the completed book” because it’s constantly unfolding and changing as new information or insights is understood or realized internally, as we all learn, there is always more to learn, like it changes, adjusts, expands.. for the infiniteness of what is possible.. .that there is no “end”. 

It’s still unfolding every single day… every single experience could enable us to change/evolve or experience a “newness” about it. As each piece of the puzzle is acknowledged, the next is revealed if we are open to it and not stuck in our ego’s.

Ego’s are our biggest trap I think..I mean I think it slows-down-our-progress of what is possible.. because we’ve been birthed into this physical reality with a blank slate and the experience that we have as we wander around in this world is “given to us”.. fed to us, by those who had the same experience… noone came in “with the knowledge of what it is”.. it’s all stories passed down from other empty-slates.

And now, with that basis, we are fumbling around in this world with this “ego”.. this… “Identity” of what “others told us we are”.. and with that, this identity, this ego, has been conditioned to be “wanting to be right / comparing ourselves to others or adjusting what we truly believe to match the awareness of what we think “other people think” / wanting to be understood but having an internal knowing that we don’t think others would get / wanting to know it all now and thinking we are “completed” when we wouldn’t be here if that were so… we (I believe) are ever the amnesia students learning from a new perspective with new lessons to be learnt and newness to experience… and as new info is received from this body, and mixed around with our filters of “what we were told and believed and took-on as truth”..  it also changes the events past in this body, because you are no longer the same person if ‘all that makes up that person’s beliefs and values and the lens they look through has changed.

Yet.. now that my ego has had a little whinge and expressed itself lol… I’ll try to do a summary on how I understand duality in this present moment.. it is this awareness that the dark and light are one.. that the dark is here to help the light.. it might not seem like it is helping from some of our multi-faceted perspectives, but that all that seems negative, dark, fear-based from our 3d perspectives looks like a total game of chess from another perspective.. that those who have come here to evolve / ascend.. how do they do that if they are already complete? Without the helpers.. those that would come and challenge them, test them, help them grow and expand.. show them their light….. that you don’t need to fear your demons if you see them as helping you – they also become the “friendly” helpers, who are serving your highest good. (I see demons = fear/tools/guidance, angels = guidance/higher-perspectives/awareness).. you know I don’t believe in either, but metaphorically, this is how I would explain them to my juvenile amnesiac perspective.

Although it’s pretty impossible to narrow it down to just a couple of sentences unless you have the same conceptual understanding of how I am experiencing it.. lol.. because recently it went even beyond that.. and it is not yet possible for me to form words yet to explain what I experienced, and I am slowly getting even “more” from this new awareness…. it was .. like I could see situations from.. not unlike another reality but the same reality that other.. aspects of us or “others” are also participating in / experiencing / living / creating / observing and learning from at the same time. Perhaps we come here with “multi-faceted versions of us” that all share our experiences but each “aspect” of us will get a different teaching / lesson and perspective, it will get to “learn” and grow and evolve and just experience or “create more, imagine more.. ” from that version of us. So each situation – each movie scene we are in.. .there are infinite aspects of “life” created from it. More “LIFE” Is birthed from our very experience of “Be-ing” and that which observes/participates in that experience also births more life. We ARE abundance. We are the creators. We are creators by experiencing via our uniqueness and our sameness, we are creating and we are experiencing at the same time.

We are sharing this experience and it’s not just about our known-choices.. what we “think” we want from this perspective, because at any one time, we are only conscious of the one perspective – one aspect of the situation at any one time – although it seems like infinite number of aspects of ourselves are creating perceptions and new “life” forms … (not unlike parallel realities and parallel dimensions.. but infinite life.. infinite possibilities, infinite creations, and unlimited – infinite versions to experience) and that we can “step into” any one of those aspects but that all of them are here to serve, all of them are expansive, abundance, infinite, LIFE.. so none of them is “good/bad”.. it just is.. its life creating & experiencing more life…. but some versions “feel better” for a particular “aspect” that is observing/playing the game/participating/witnessing/experiencing. We have the free will to choose which lens we take… which aspect we “look at it” in.. but maybe we don’t want to sometimes. Maybe we want to consciously follow a particular aspect to see where that one leads, we want to experience the pain sometimes because it’s authentic to that aspect’s experience…. and then maybe at another point, we “step in” and with our amnesia, get to witness/observe the other, or maybe when we “get out of here” .. we get the “fullness” of what we have experienced so far, like a merging of the infinite wisdom, or maybe that never happens and it’s endless.. that it goes on forever – infinite… just an expansion of time/space/life/universe… abundance.. life.. expansion.. growth.. creation.. observing itself infinitely.

I don’t know how to explain it yet – I’m really hoping for a dialogue in the near-future with some of my friends that can help “pull it out of me” I think lol.. but basically… .. fear is to be understood – not to bury/suppress/ignore/or pretend it doesn’t exist…. fear is like the tool for ascension.. as well as awareness of all that is “playing the game” and their roles.. is to be taken into consideration when it seems confusing/troubling – we don’t have all the information… that things that might not seem fair from our perspective is looked at a lot differently from a broader big-picture infinite perspective… and from a soul-level perspective.. and from an earth perspective and from a galactic perspective and from a universal perspective..from a child’s perspective.. from a dark perspective.. from a light perspective.. from a victim perspective.. from a hero’s perspective.. etc etc to infinity… that we take little things way too seriously down in this density.. this density that is just another experience of all that is.. this density – this now – this aspect of now that we are sharing…. but its only because we can’t see the whole picture.. that we don’t take “more than this” into consideration.. and we get a lot less suffering when we acknowledge the other and step outside of our “avatar” and see it from beyond that…

But then we have to deal with wondering if it’s just a delusional permission slip or the real deal, and only those others who are doing the same work as I am (delving deeper and deeper and deeper into every crevice of my own psyche).. or have similar theories are seeing and experiencing it in this way.. but when do we “know”.. do we ever? We’re so imaginative and creative.

But then.. what is serving our life – what “aspect” of ourselves can “enjoy the show”… For each “aspect”, it differs. For we choose what we want to believe, we choose how to see everything, and is that wrong? Or is that the wondrous gift that this particular density – this particular expression of creation allows us to have.. the ability to witness and observe and experience life from the free-will of not knowing. Like even if people “act out” a part in their societies of what is considered “normal”, they are still having their own “inner experience” that they choose to see in this world.. even if they never “verbalize” it to another soul, they have their own inner-experience that they are experiencing this world in. 

But for those who want to release the suffering.. what is the removal of suffering?.. it’s just “how we choose to perceive” the movie scene “inwardly” or “outwardly”. You can be terrified by it, or you can choose to step into a higher-perspective.. yet being perceived as “delusional” is more terrifying for some than to take on an aspect of them… a perception that will help them move past the fear.

And for some, like me, I could be deluding myself to see it as all part of the game.. and by default, no longer experiencing the suffering I once did when I encounter fear, but rather – seeking the meaning/lesson/challenge/understanding/faith/trust or bigger picture of it.. and sometimes that takes time, but it’s always this “puzzle” that I have to figure out.

To be delusional against mainstream.. .is a preference or choice that takes great courage, because going against the “norm” is going against our own programming.. which is embedded in all of us, and those who are living this delusion .. also want community, unity, one-ness – so we also have this innate wanting to “not” go against the “norm” or go “against” anything lol..

Ever the wanderer.. ever the seeker, ever delving deeper into my own psyche.. and always consciously aware that even my own conclusions about things, are about to be expanded even further.. ever-learning more.. and consciously aware that my thoughts are not like the norm.. but this is my “joy”.. this is my theme.. I seek the truth wondering if I’ve already discovered it and that there is no conclusion.. that we are just these infinite expansiveness of creation – that we are the abundance that we seek, we are.. the avatar and the observers, the creators and the directors, and the players.. we are all of it.. and we’re here to help each other understand ourselves.. it’s like a game of self-awareness where the game has no final level.. we just keep exploring more aspects… creating more.. experiencing more..