Journey

Last night I tried DMT for the first time and I want to record my experience mostly for my own records but you are welcome to listen in too.

I first walked up the mountain to a secluded spot just before sunset. My friend had gotten their earlier and had created a sacred circle of rocks for us to sit in, then he did some kind of sharmanic ceremony or ritual to where he blessed the space, made offerings to the earth, burnt some sage, and was doing some kind of sharmanic chanting.

I watched him a few weeks ago soak the DMT into some healing herbs that one of his friends had given him, and was keen to one day try DMT because I hoped to relive the same experience that I had experienced naturally out of the blue about 3 years ago, which started me on this journey to truth to begin with.

At that time, I started searching online for anyone … anyone.. it took me months.. who had had the same experience and the closest I found were those who had shared their experiences with Ayawashca and DMT, so I was hopeful that I would experience the same type of experience again.

I was prepared to feel the same experience, or a feeling of connecting to all that is, or love, or even to delve into what my sub-conscious mind wanted to bring to light, or getting more answers about the universe.

It actually didn’t end up being anything like I had imagined it would be.

My friend went first because I’ve never done DMT before and I wanted to see how he did it and what effects to expect, so I watched him pack a cone into a small water pipe, and have 3 puffs and then lie down.

I didn’t notice anything unusual about him and wondered what he was experiencing, it didn’t seem to do anything from my third-party perspective.

After only a minute or so, he was sitting up again and after a few more minutes he got mine prepared.

After seeing not much happen to him and not getting much information about what he had just experienced, I kind of had zero expectation that it would do anything except make me woozy or something.

I took my first puff and was a bit hesitant about coughing and not taking too much in and I held a little bit of smoke in my mouth, and then I took a stronger 2nd puff and held it in, and I didn’t even take the whole cone by a split second after that 2nd puff, I was like “WOAH”. Things are starting to happen.

I didn’t expect it to happen that instantly and rather than take anymore, I decided to see what this little bit was like.

I basically sat cross-legged on the ground, with my hands strongly beside me and I felt like I was unable or unwilling to move from that upright position.

I felt like I can’t move or that I didn’t want to move.

Everything got a little bit like spacey but heavy.

I felt like the movie screen got wayyyyyyyy bigger, like so expansive… and my body, felt so heavy, like I knew that I would still be able to move and everything but everything .. the energy felt really heavy. But the body felt really light.. oh it’s so hard to explain.

The head just started getting really expansive… really seeing more of the movie screen. Like looking at life through wide-lens or a experiencing life through a different lens. And I really felt clearer… but at the same time, “don’t talk to me”, and not clear about my own life or anything, just things felt “more” of. Just clearer.

And then…the trees that I was watching in the horizon underneath the sunset started to do some weird, weird fractally kind of things, like.. I could still tell they were trees, but just kind of gridding up, like they were a grid.. fractalizing,

And then I remembered when I was watching my friend that he was lying with his back on the ground with his eyes closed, so I wondered what I would experience if I closed my eyes.

I knew my body didn’t want to lie down, I was still frozen to the position I was in when I took that 2nd puff, so I closed my eyes and a picture started drawing itself from the right side of my movie screen to the left, like line drawings with little intricot shapes and things, like little butterflies and shapes.

It was drawing itself out as I was watching, but it wasn’t covering the whole movie screen and I felt like something was keeping me in a corner where I couldn’t see the whole picture, like I was watching it from an angle and couldn’t see the left side but even though I had that awareness, it wasn’t disturbing or anything, it was interesting because even though I felt like I couldn’t see the whole picture, I felt ok that from the viewpoint that I was watching and didn’t feel the need to try and seek more, or to try and seek around whatever I felt like was blocking my view. I was already very “Woah” from whatever I was seeing. But I definitely felt like I was also blocked by seeing the whole thing.

I could definitely see where a lot of artists get their inspiration from.

And maybe because I didn’t take too much, and didn’t take a 3rd puff, and hesitated to take too much because I hadn’t used a water pipe before and wasn’t sure what I was going to be breathing in.. or whatever, but yeah maybe because I only took a small amount, my experience was lessened a lot because of that and I had like a mini experience instead of the full blown “take me to another dimension” type of experience.

I really felt the urge to laugh. Like I know where I am, its not like I felt like I was in another world or anything, I know exactly where I am, my friend is next to me chanting some kind of sharmanic chant beautiful song and was apparently sending healing energy into me at the same time from the earth and all that is, and I know where the trees are, I know where the cliff is, I know exactly where I am but I felt like laughing, like I was suppressing a laugh from deep down in my belly.

From the depths of my gut, I really felt compelled to start laughing, and I wasn’t really sure what I was laughing at, like I’m aware of what I’m looking at, and I didn’t see anything funny enough to laugh at, but I really felt like laughing, like in my mind I was aware that I wanted to laugh .. and then I Just started belly-giggling laughing, which made my friend laugh.

And then I started saying “I don’t know what I’m laughing at, I don’t know what I’m laughing at”, but just kept laughing, and then I opened my eyes, and just noticed how expansive everything is again, I felt so light, my “head” felt light & my body still felt heavy, and I felt like there was someone holding my back & the back of my skull, and my heart, well the other side of my heart, like a pressure there .. like noone was holding me, but the same kind of pressure that feels like that.

And then I started to come out of it. The whole experience lasted only a couple of minutes, and the after-effects of feeling expansive and heavy and um not wanting to move lasted longer, maybe another 10 minutes.

Because I didn’t finish the first cone, there was still quite a bit left, and after a little while I decided to finish it off, so I had the rest but this time I didn’t get any of those visuals.

In the 2nd one, I decided to watch the stars, and there were millions of stars out that night, especially where we were, in the country with no pollution and the sky was clear, and we were on the top of a mountain, you could see all of them, billions of them.

You could see all the stars and the only thing that I noticed that it seemed to be spelling out something, like some stars were much brighter and there seemed to be more of a pattern of kind of a message or spelling out letters or something… aside from that it just felt like the movie screen got bigger & the body got heavier, but there was no other experience apart from noticing the stars were seemingly spelling out something, not that I was trying to figure it out, it just felt really interesting and just seemed to different.

Maybe because I only had a smaller dose or maybe whatever we had, that my experience is different than other peoples, and maybe because men like to really go tough and try and take in things to the extreme, so I think everyone’s experience would be slightly different and if I ever had it again, I would go in with different expectations and that would change my experience again, and I could make sure to have that 3rd puff, and really let go when I’m having the experience, but I’m not sure if I would do it again unless I can see the benefit in it.

Like I can tell where people get their fractal kind of graphics inspiration from because it definitely has that sense of the world being fractalized and holographic and even I can understand.. if my experience was a bit stronger, why people think we live in a computer simulation and things like that from having the experience.

I’m not sure if I would do it again, I think it would definitely be different each time, as you let go, as you remove your fear of the expectation, not that I was feeling any fear.. it was a very safe space, it had a very nice calm spiritual feel about it, and because watching my friend go first, I kind of didn’t see him do or react to anything, so when I was doing it, I kind of really wasn’t expecting to experience anything, so there wasn’t any fear by the time it was my turn.

If I saw a benefit from it, it’s just that I had pre-conceived expectations of what I really wanted to get out of it based on what I had experienced naturally a few years ago, and that’s really want I’m seeking, a way to re-experience that or something similar again, and trying DMT wasn’t anything like I expected, and I’m only willing to try natural things rather than any heavy drugs, like I’m perfectly unbrainwashed about using plants now .. I’m not opposed to natural methods for having these kinds of experiences like ayahuasca or mushrooms or other plants, if there are benefits to doing those things, like purging out your emotions and unresolved issues, or facing your subconscious demons, or seeing more of the connection between all that is, or some that can un-hook the neural pathways and reconnect again, I can see them being beneficial with a bit of preparation and done in a safe and controlled manner, so you can really use it as a kind of healing… so I would want to really plan out what I wanted to achieve with any of them .. but this DMT experience, at least my first try at it, seemed to just be pretty and I can’t yet really see a way where it would benefit me to do it again.

It wasn’t what I expected but it wasn’t a ‘bad’ experience, and it didn’t last very long, and I suspect that if I ever get the opportunity to have another ceremony, that I would be more willing to let go.