Journey

5 Planets Retrograde + Full Moon seems to be doing a number on everyone. Health, Relationships, closure / clearing / facing unresolved issues, like coming full-circle.

Unresolved things are coming to an end to make way for new beginnings.

Look at how we can grow and evolve from it.

Feel deceit. Deception alarm bell ringing but on grand scheme of things, nothing I can do about it.

Did a soul-retrieval ritual last week, sending energy back that is not mine, and taking back what belongs to me. Permission slip to get back to a place of love to all.

Connected to everything and sending love out to the planet. But not a daily thing.

At work I’m dealing with the same personalities that I had a problem with 2 years ago before I accepted all and stopped judging, but back to square one with them.

Miss the girl with rose-coloured glasses but starting to accept this new journey.

Another ramble about the messy game of seeking truth with a lifetime of filtered beliefs and internal programmes.

No way I’m stopping now. Just turned 40 and life is starting to be mind-blowingly interesting.

I have more of a belief in Astrology now than I had 2 months ago but that doesn’t mean I believe in Astrologists’ interpretations of what they decipher, but it does mean I accept that the planets do seem to affect what is going on down here.

< Phone Call interrupted video >

I don’t know what this reality is all about, but a big part of it is definitely to do with dealing with your shit when it comes to others.

I need to trust wherever I’m at, in this moment, trust it. This is the journey, this is what I’m experiencing, this is how I’m feeling, this is what I’m learning.
This is it, right now.

Then as you get it out without worrying about what other people think, you speak your truth and learn from it.

I’m on a different journey now where I’m learning different things about life. Gotta get to a point where every part of the journey is a lesson, part of why I’m here.

But shit, that last lesson was a big one.
Massive. Because I didn’t see it coming.

Ramble about trying to figure out why I am the weird one that doesn’t trust anything anyone says & has to figure it out by herself…. why am I like this?

I’m not ‘trying’ to be like this. It is what it is. And it’s crazy, but at the same time, I feel so much less crazy now that I’ve met other people like me.

I love camping with other people that resonate with me, which means I love being myself, and I love them being themselves. I hate judgement and because I hate judgement, I need to stop judging other people again.

Got a release last night from the guy last year – the guy that was my ‘unexpected dark side experience’.
Therefore my soul, my being, is now integrating all these changes, and it’s a process, because that was hell.

It feels like I’m coming out of something, but not quite there.

It sucks that I’ll never get back to the person I was before, but am grateful that I at least got to experience a reality like that. As short-lived as it was, I was able to experience a reality where I accepted everybody and loved everybody and didn’t judge. That was a beautiful existence. Kudo’s and 2 thumbs up to anyone who is living that right now but I don’t know how to get back to it now that I’ve experienced the dark side.

There’s hope because it gives me something to work towards. It was easier to do it when I was doing it without realizing what I was doing.

But now that I’m not there, where I’m trying to consciously get back there, it’s great to get this perspective but it’s a harder process because you have that expectation cos you know you expect better because you know you’ve been better.

I don’t want to lie, I want to be authentic.
When I’m in that place of bliss, you don’t remember what it’s like to be on the bridge, so I want to document this new journey. It’s a different journey now.

I feel like I was way more evolved back then.

Starting to realize that life gives you more to learn as you achieve your lessons. That your life isn’t wasted, there is always something new appearing to learn & grow from.